My boys and I stopped at Target last week to grab a couple of items I needed. As we walked past the toy section, the inevitable question came from my 8-yr old, “Mom, can we buy this?” to which I responded, “That looks pretty cool...I see why you like it. We’re only here for these two things today.”
He thought about it and asked, “Can we put it on my Christmas list?”
As soon as we got back in the car, he immediately asked for some paper and started writing. Then he showed me the list of items he wanted to add to his Christmas list.
Why is this a big deal? A couple of years ago, most shopping trips would have ensued a MAJOR meltdown in the store. And then several more later that day.
Sure, the change in his response may be partly due to maturing with age, but it is our intentional work together that has empowered him to tolerate limits, handle delayed gratification, and even problem solve creatively.
It may not seem like it on the outside, but defiance, refusals, and meltdowns are a cry for help… a sign of lagging skills. Children with ADHD typically have a 2-3 year delay in their executive function skills.
They often struggle with inflexibility, handling frustration and disappointment, and feeling incapable of problem-solving or self-advocating effectively.
These skills are key to your child's sense of resilience and lifelong success.
As parents, having a clear understanding of challenging behaviors and its roots will help you to shift your communication and support your child in building these critical life skills.
This requires more than learning and implementing strategies, it also requires regular and consistent feedback on your skills as a parent to achieve lasting gains.
This is what we do through our parent training. The focus isn’t solely on behavior change for your child, but building lifelong skills as a family.
As a pediatric occupational therapist and ADHD-CCSP, I've seen the transformation that comes from using a holistic, strengths-based approach.
This not only honors your children's unique strengths, but also deepens your attachment with them and helps them to:
Tolerate and manage their intense emotions (one of the biggest struggles I hear from parents).
Use coping strategies that work for them and self-advocate for their needs.
Feel truly heard, accepted, and understood, instead of feeling as if they are broken or that something is "wrong" with them.
If you’re ready to learn more on helping your child thrive as a resilient, confident, and resourceful person, please reach out here: https://www.carolinefitsimonescoaching.com/book-online
Take care,
Caroline
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