My son has recently become obsessed with climbing trees. As I watched him beginning to take more calculated risks with his increasing confidence, I noticed my chest tightening and shoulders stiffening.
In that moment, I chose to allow him the opportunity to face his fears and challenge himself. Oftentimes, helping our kids stretch out of their comfort zone means we must first manage our own discomfort.
Whether it’s climbing a tree, navigating a conflict with a friend, or resolving a work issue, kids need experiences such as these to grow in their sense of capability, confidence, and independence.
As parents, we want the best for our kids...for them to grow into happy, healthy, and independent adults, but sometimes we can get in the way instead of letting them face discomfort, risks, and challenges.
We may be quick to run interference, solving our kids’ arguments or problems instead of letting them handle it themselves...
Or prone to overly prompting, lecturing, or even making decisions on their behalf, instead of incorporating them in the process, which sends the message that they aren't capable...
We may be quick to punish instead of teaching skills and letting them learn from mistakes. Without these experiences, they become overly reliant on others and struggle to trust their own abilities.
These actions, while well-intentioned, can prevent children from building the confidence and problem-solving skills needed to bounce back from failures, rejection, and painful experiences.
Knowing how to teach our kids to cope and face adversity is critical in supporting life-long resilience. Here are a few shifts you can make:
Trust and believe in your child's abilities and hold them accountable for their actions. This gives them the confidence to own their behavior. This doesn’t mean lecturing or pressuring them to get it right, but instead, supporting them with patience and awareness.
Avoid harsh or punitive reactions, which can make your child feel defective and unable to change, as well as permissive parenting, which avoids limits out of fear of upsetting your child. Instead, teach with firm compassion, offering guidance that’s clear but loving.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of doubt or frustration when parenting through outbursts, refusals, and mistakes, but when you treat your child as if they are already the person they’re capable of becoming, you give them the opportunity to rise to the occasion.
Trust their capacity to meet your expectations—with your support—and you’ll see them grow into resilient, capable individuals.
Next Tuesday, October 15th, 7:00 PM CST, we will be hosting our free workshop on: Resilient Kids, Empowered Parents: 3 Essential Tools for Growth. If you haven't signed up yet, you can click here to register: https://www.carolinefitsimonescoaching.com/parent-workshop
In this interactive workshop, you'll learn:
How building resilience and self-confidence leads to fewer emotional outbursts and refusals, and more problem solving and self-advocacy skills.
The difference between “I won’t” and “I can’t” in your child's behavior.
How to help your child become more independent and accountable for their actions, and build crucial skills for success.
Let's build stronger, more resilient kids—together!
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