If parental burnout was a continuum--instead of an either/or state--where would you rate yourself?
Just as our children's emotional, mental, and physical capacity fluctuates wildly under stress, so does ours. Parents of children with ADHD generally deal with more stressful demands (extra appointments, school visits, increased medical expenses, etc.) than neurotypical families. On top of that, about 50% of parents of children with ADHD have it themselves. These challenges can lead to parental burnout as their sense of capacity and confidence diminish.
The self-doubt, fear, and loneliness that many parents experience often leave them in fight-or-flight mode. "Fight" responses may include frenetic schedules, over-performing, yelling, controlling, and punishing. "Flight/freeze" responses may include emotional distancing, walking on eggshells, and shutting down.
If each week seems to bring with it a new crisis, you are likely experiencing burnout. Since parents set the tone, when they are overwhelmed and stressed, their children will also feel overwhelmed and stressed. This fuels reactivity and triggers, which perpetuate the fight-or-flight cycle for the entire family.
So how do you break out of this cycle?
Surround yourself with community for support and shared experiences. This could be a trusted friend or family member, online or local support groups. Make sure these communities encourage you rather than fuel a negative, victimhood mindset.
Pause and plan. Spend 10-15 minutes doing a "brain dump", prioritize and pick the top 3 "to-do's" for your day or week. Break your day into quarters so you can easily assess and shift as needed. Having simple systems in place can offload mental and physical demands so that you can conserve your energy.
Move your body. Whether it's a mini dance party or a short walk outside, movement provides a bottom-up approach to emotional regulation. Physical activity releases neurotransmitters that stabilize mood, decrease anxiety, and combat low energy levels associated with parental burnout.
Consider professional help. Think about taking a parenting class or working with a coach. As Einstein said, "Problems cannot be solved by thinking within the framework in which the problems were created." While you didn't create your child's challenging behaviors, parenting from a place of survival can reinforce unhealthy cycles. Expert advice from an outside perspective, personalized feedback, and regular check-ins can help you move out of burnout and towards your goals.
Remember, the goal isn't to avoid all challenges that come with parenting, as it's a lifelong journey full of ups and downs. However, having a framework in place can help you manage burnout and parent from a place of empowerment. Many parents I've worked with find that even when they feel overwhelmed, they can recover more quickly with the right support and strategies in place.
If you need support, you can schedule a free 1:1 consultation call here: carolinefitsimonescoaching.com/book-online. We will discuss your specific challenges and explore whether our Calm to Chaos Program is the right next step for you.
Wishing you a joy-filled day,
Caroline
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